Yelled At
Posted in Soapbox by: Alisa
I was on the treadmill yesterday with the kids in the front room watching a movie. All of a sudden Oli and Tru come in my room with these big eyes and I couldn’t figure out what they wanted so I told them to go back out to the living room. They wouldn’t budge. Finally, I raised my voice a little and told them they needed to go out and watch their movie. Tru started walking out and then stopped in my doorway and stared at me with terrified eyes. That’s when it finally hit me. Someone was in my house! I turned off the treadmill heart racing and walked slowly out my door. There was a woman. I relaxed momentarily until all of a sudden she started yelling at me. “I am going to call the cops on you. How dare you be on the treadmill and not taking care of your kids. I’m an old woman and look at me I have goose bumps. How dare you. You should be taking care of your kids. etc.” Needless to say, I was shocked. I had no idea what to do with this stranger standing in my living room yelling at me. What I finally gathered through the screaming is that Oli and Tru had gone out to the street to throw sticks at cars. They were also collecting sticks out of the street. This woman drove past and it scared the begeebers out of her so she yelled at them and followed them home to yell at me. When she finally left the house I called Scott in complete hysterics and he thankfully talked me down to a calmer place. So I get that she was worried. I really get that. When I found out they were outside playing in the street I was quite upset. What I don’t get is why she thought it was appropriate to walk in to my home uninvited and yell at me.
This isn’t the first time I’ve been yelled at either. Once I was yelled at because someone felt my children were walking too far away from me while we were walking home from the bus stop. That was some fierce screaming of obscenities. Then there was the time it was raining and I took my kids to the Target parking structure to ride their scooters in the covered second floor where NOBODY goes. The security guard didn’t even stop his truck to yell out the window about how dangerous this was and how dare I. The nice thing about that one is that he actually came back and apologized for yelling at us. I completely get that these people are concerned about my children’s wellbeing, but when is it OK just to yell at someone? Isn’t a rational conversation more appropriate?
Have you ever been yelled at because of something your kids are doing or is this just a knack of mine?
btw Max took this picture of me tearing my hair out in my favorite Harry and the Potters shirt.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
I got yelled at for not having a helmet on Oliver when he was riding his tricycle. (I think I was 17 years old before I owned a bike helmet)
May 13th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Oh man, that’s terrible. Kudos to you for not screaming back. I think my first reaction would have been “What are you doing in my house?!” You’ve got a lot more control than I would have. But geez, how rude of her to just walk in like it’s nothing.
May 13th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
You know, I think that there is something about the Bay Area in general that makes people think they are *enlightened* enough to tell other people what to do with their kids. I’ve been yelled at a few times too, both in English and Chinese. Once an old grandma left her grandchildren in the sand to follow me in my stroller down the sidewalk in order to yell at me that I wasn’t picking up my child properly, that I should only grasp his waist (he was like 20 months at the time). ???!!!?? And I’ve been yelled at in the grocery store because my kid was reaching for things off of the shelves and the person thought he might fall out of the cart, despite my being right there…it wasn’t like I’d even let go of the dang thing.
If it makes you feel better, my mom always tells me about the time I was 3 and some strange man brought me home after he found me riding my tricycle down main street, in the middle of the right lane! My mom didn’t even know I was missing….
May 13th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
The one time I got yelled at was by an old lady on the street who was angry that James had a pacifier. If I had been you, Alisa, I think I would have cried.
May 13th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
How did you get her to finally leave the house & stop yelling? There is a bright side, if you want to look at it that way. 1. She didn’t call the cops 2. A big learning experience for you and the kids
I would have been freaked out at someone in my house period, whether they were yelling or not. And just as upset to learn my kids were outside and being a couple of sweet houligans.
Remember that my mom and my sister will always remember the 3 minutes I ran into the bathroom and Brandon opened the patio screen, saw them coming, and climbed up the fence to stand with his feet in between the top railing to wave at them with both hands.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:12 am
I’ve been yelled at a number of times. Someone yelled at me for not seat-belting my child into the shopping cart, I’ve been yelled at for having kids too close together (and too many of them), and countless other times about how I’m not concerned enough about where my children are and how they are too far away from me in the stores. I feel you. However, nobody has ever come into my house yelling. But my kids have never run out into the street (the benefit of girls-they’re too scared to do stuff like that). I think I would have gone crazy on her…
May 14th, 2008 at 9:24 am
WOW! I am impressed too that you didn’t scream back! My heart would be pounding so hard, I’d probably just start crying.
I’ve never been yelled at. Thank goodness. I’m not a huge fan of confrontation.
Way to go, Alisa!
May 14th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
That lady had some serious nerve to walk into your house! Couldn’t you have called the cops on her, in fact?? Yes, I get yelled at and/or glared at by people all the time for not being careful enough–in their opinion–with my kids. My own husband even weighs in on the topic every now and then. It’s always worse coming from a stranger, however, especially when they think they know your kids better than you do!
May 17th, 2008 at 8:00 am
oh yes, and don’t you just love it that they will totally ignore what THEY are doing wrong so they can lay into you for what they think you’re screwing up at?
Shortly after #5 was born I took all the kids to TJ Maxx to find some pillows for a family trip. Baby was in the stroller and the others were walking in a min group, two displays from me. Gwen was 2.5 at the time and looked smaller than her age. We were all kinda looking in bins. Gwen was doodling around and she fell down (not far remember shes short) and as a result her head hit the hard floor. Not all that hard, but it was a concrete floor. Gwen did not cry, just a whimper, and my two older kids hugged her. I was fine with that because I knew my kids were taking care of her. Evidently some lady didn’t think I was being responsible enough and walked right up and yelled at me for ignoring my fallen child. And it went on and on about how she hates this country and their child rearing skills (no idea where she was from). She approached me two more times in the store. I spoke back to her and totally defended myself loudly and asked her to stop following me.
What angered me the most is that I was so glad my kids had been so well behaved at that store and then to get reamed by someone who thought I was a loser.
Totally know how you feel. The lady should not have come into your place. At all.
May 20th, 2008 at 7:10 am
People need to mind their own d— business!
There is always going to be one of those crazy things that in the blink of an eye, your kid is going to go in the street, or jump off a roof, etc and before you can even wrap your brain around what just happened it’s done and you learn.
Kids are crazy and no matter how close you watch them, they always surprise you!
You are a fantastic mother Alisa, don’t let an old crochety lady, or anyone else for that matter, tell you otherwise!