SchlegelRock

Did I ever tell you guys that I wanted to be a make up artist? Did I tell you that right before I got prego with Max I was in a fashion design course? I was. I know it’s hard to believe looking at me but when I’m healthy I love fashion and make up and runways and vogue…

Over the last week since my mind has been awakened I have started to seek these things out again. It’s like I’ve been in a coma for 10 years and am awakening to a whole new world. It’s freaking Scott out because I’m buying red lipstick and fake diamond studded bangles. He feels like I’m changing when in fact, I’m just picking up where I left off. It’s a strange sensation, starting over.

I’m sure for a while I’ll wear too much make up and jewelry and whatever else I can throw on my body but you know, I’ve got to make up for lost time here. I have been in a black hole, a suffocating abyss and now the world is bright and colorful and I want to be bright and colorful too.

I want to wear leather pants and stilettos. I want to know all the latest fashion trends and where I can find knock offs. I want to know which designers I love and which designers are awesome but just not my thing. I want to break out of my box and just go for it. I don’t quite know what *it* is just yet but when I figure it out I want to run for it. Full throttle like I’ve never run at anything before in my life because I’ve been held back by illness.

I’m a little scared because I’m afraid the world will come crashing down on me again but I have hope that this new medicine is it. That this is the answer to ten years worth of prayers and struggling from me and my family. That finally I can live a life worth living. A life of consequence to those I love. A life of passion and desire to replace the agony and despair. And if you know someone who is struggling with Bipolar, Anxiety, Depression or ADHD please feel free to point them my way because boy have a been through a lot and if I can share my experiences with someone who is struggling it would sure make me feel like maybe, by just a little bit, this was all worth it.

P.S. Photo uploading is down so you can’t see me with my bright red lipstick.  Just picture it…blue/purple/teal/dark brown hair, silver eyes and kiss you on the lips red lipstick.